The horror... THE HORROR !!!!!!!

The what-the-fuck-are-they-cooking-up new teaser poster :

http://www.toxicshock.tv/news/2008/09/15/another-awesome-conan-teaser-movie-poster/



And now this :

http://www.dreadcentral.com/story/exclusive-brett-ratner-considering-conan

First of all, what kind of crappy photoshop is that? I could do better than that on my POS computer.

And secondly, what's the deal with them using the Atlantean sword in all these teaser posters? I mean, don't get me wrong, the Conan Atlantean is my favorite movie sword of all time, but if they're going to "reboot" this franchise, they ought to start from the ground up.

IMO.

come on guys... considering the amount of crap coming out of Hollywood the last ten years, is anyone really holding their breath on this one? I mean, really? No matter what they do its going to blow. It will either be another 300 style of film or another scorpion king type of fantasy/comedy/kids film. We will never get, as we never have gotten, a film that will match up to the presence of the first film. I gave up hope long ago for the resurgence of decent fantasy films.

King Arthur
Pathfinder
first knight (this one was so bad I think it gave me cancer)
robin hood
Hercules
scorpion king
van helsing


do I need to continue? they are fine if you're drunk/don't care/16years old but in the face of serious fantasy I found them all lacking.

/end rant

AOster wrote:

*rant*

Oh, I definitely agree. I'm actually NOT a fan of the Conan "universe" as envisioned by REH or Marvel.

HOWEVER, I'm a HUGE fan of the Milius/Schwarzenegger film (& NOT the sequel), & if I had my way, I'd never see another Conan flick. UNLESS, it was a sequel (that disregarded 'Destroyer' altogether) directed by Milius, with Schwarzenegger in the lead role, & having NOTHING to do with any kind of father-tries-to-rein-in-out-of-control-son thing.

And as far as the Conan "franchise" is concerned, I know I'm definitely a minority with these opinions...

I agree of course. Its just amazing they are still going back to 1982's CONAN THE BARBARIAN for all the new movie teaser material however badly photoshopped( even the last one was a photoshop/cheap imitation of an Arnold CONAN poster) considering how much they dislike Milius' film,lol. Its because they know CTB is the best and the most widely recognized incarnation of REH hero so can lure in fans, even the games use the Atlantean sword all the time. This is no doubt a marketing ploy they will use what they like since they own the rights.

Plus, with all the trouble they are having and release dates and the use of Milius' Thulsa Doom, why not just get Milius back from outve the cobb webbs and have him forge a new script with a younger barbarian lead?

Somebody just tells me why the hell the Atlantean sword is stuck in a stone ala Excalibur ? Are they rebooting John Milius' Conan or John Boorman's Excalibur ?

That, and we lost one year again (2009 > 2010).

Yeah, the Excalibur look is surely present-- but also an early concept poster by Cobb which featured the Father's sword in the pile of skulls seems to be there as well.

They should stick a real sword in a real stone and the one actor who manages to remove it wins the Conan role in the movie !

Where's Dan when you need him?

Lol

Cromulus The Destroyer wrote:

Yeah, the Excalibur look is surely present-- but also an early concept poster by Cobb which featured the Father's sword in the pile of skulls seems to be there as well.

To me, the Cobb poster was more Frazetta-influenced. This one is clearly aping Excalibur. Which is a very bad idea and direction for a Conan movie. But I guess we don't have to look too much into it and draw quick conclusions from it, as it's still a very early promo design.

Looks more like a video game cover or something to me. Trying to conjure up an Authurian image like this is just what one might expect from a greedy film studio trying to appeal to the widest demographic. I am what you might call a "semi-Howard Purist", I really liked the Arnold flick...it's great!...but I think that it is not an accurate representation of Robert E. Howard's original vision. I think all ties to the previous movies must be completely severed, and of course that means the Atlantean sword as well! This poster, while seemingly well done, is a pretty pathetic representation of what Conan is about....

Sure, I like the Atlantean, but Robert E. Howard's Conan never had a recurring "excalibur" type weapon. That is to say, a weapon which is a so much a vital part of the story's mythology that it is almost a character in and of itself. The most "significant" weapon Conan ever wielded was perhaps the enchanted blade in "The Phoenix on the Sword" which was used for only that one story. Swords break, get confiscated, or just get lost. I have no problem with Conan wielding some fairly ornate weapons, but the sword should be a weapon, not an ornament or symbol. Conan himself should be the the central focus, not a sword.

Like I said, I really like the first Conan movie...yes it is possible to like both the movie and Howard's original stories as well!

Yeah, I honestly wouldnt want the new Conan hero to find the Atlantean sword in some random selection of merchant junk in some run down sand ridden bazaar only to be discarded for some pirate cutlass in the next scene . The Atlantean deserves WAY better, if it were to be handled by CONAN--otherwise its marketing and slap in the face of the classic original movie fans!

Einar wrote:

To me, the Cobb poster was more Frazetta-influenced. This one is clearly aping Excalibur.

I also get the Atlantean Crypt vibe from it as well. But so far these posters seem to indicate(however deceitful) a direct or semi-direct sequel or remake of Milius' movie that much is clear.

I'm surprised that no one reacted to the Brett "The Rat"ner rumor so far.

I know this 2nd teaser poster is mesmerizing ( ) but I posted another link under it !

maelstrom wrote:

I really liked the Arnold flick...it's great!...but I think that it is not an accurate representation of Robert E. Howard's original vision.
(...)
Like I said, I really like the first Conan movie...yes it is possible to like both the movie and Howard's original stories as well!

QFT!

Well I read pretty much nothing in both posters... As long as there is nothing real yet in terms of casting or directing, we can assume they are simply trying to obtain some attention and study the reactions. Later they can use the Atlantean or not. Nobody would care about it because this movie won't care about this kind of stuff.

I can see the future, i'm sick this last couple of days and got powers from all the legal drugs:

1- They are going to sell a "very faithful adapatation of REH's writtings". Trust me. This is gonna be his main selling campain. And as you will find it will be a stupid lie. It won't be a Howardian spirit nothing, just realize REH is not commercial in any way. Sure, there will be barbarians and violence and huge battles with amazing cgi movements. So what, that is not REH.

2- Thet are going to sell a "very faithful adaptation of the Milius' movie spirit". Maybe it won't be an official sequel but surely they will claim the Milius' movie was great and they pay homage to it being respectful with its "power and amazing ambientation". Another lie, they still don't have a director nor a cast and probaly not a finished script, they won't spend more than a couple of months in the script, for sure, and another couple in filming. The longer time will happen in postproduction trying to obtain an "unique and artistic" look thaat will be exactly like any other today's film, and of course in the editing that will have a MTV non-stop rythm in order to not get anyone bored. Just the opposite of the Milius' film, you WON'T find any slow paced sequence here. Oh no. Forget about amazing landscapes also. If it is finally filmed in real exteriors, they won't be cool enough to fill a single shoot by their own so these landscapes will be retouched like hell. Because landscapes are unnecesary, who said they serve for something more than as backgrounds? And let's not forget DON'T use panoramic shoots, no no no no no, we all want CLOSE UPS ALL THE FUCKING TIME... The result, a very re-touched movie with nothing inside.

3- They will sell a movie that will satisfie BOTH Reh and Milius FANS. They will sell that. And also they will add, will satisfy people who didn't knew Conan previously. They will sell that. They will sell it's a movie FOR FANS.

But I won't swallow it.

And let me tell ou.

I don't give a fuck about who directs, who stars, who sucks dicks. BECAUSE I don't give a fuck about this piece of shit not different from the 99% of fantaasy movies made today in Hollywood.

They won't ruin my life, they won't ruine the Milius' film, they won't ruine shit. They can do what they want. I just don't care at all.

I am curious about this new movie, but believe me, my heart is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from it.

Einar wrote:

I'm surprised that no one reacted to the Brett "The Rat"ner rumor so far.

I know this 2nd teaser poster is mesmerizing ( ) but I posted another link under it !

Not sure what to make of that, I checked his film credits and have either not seen most his movies or was displeased with the rest. I think most veteran directors probably wouldn't touch Conan with a ten-foot pole, perhaps it will take a new unknown director who's creative, skilled, and bold enough to take some risks and do the film justice.

Let's hope they'll have a good script

I heard that Rathead rumor beforehand, really nothing I can say on it, just laugh. They are just very frantic and cant get a workable script nor a good director. The Red Sonja seems like garbage, and havent a clue as to how Thulsa Doom warrants a solo movie..so "more faithful to Howard" like Turd was saying is a lie, but more than that, completely retarded bullshit!


OK, I give in, wonder if we can expect Chris Tucker or Jackie Chan in a role?

Cromulus The Destroyer wrote:

OK, I give in, wonder if we can expect Chris Tucker or Jackie Chan in a role?

"Awww..... Short round grew up...." I half expected this to be uttered during the newest indy flick..... Lets hope there is a reference to malak.... a reference to how horribbly he died t somepoint that is.

Why not a spin-off on Malak's adventures ?

I just wonder if Thorgrim gets his origin explained in the Thulsa Doom movie. Perhaps the shy little nordic boy Doom rescues from the clutches of Zula.

What about Thorgrim finding and raising the giant baby snake that ends up in the Tower of the Serpent ? Every true fan wants to see that !!!